Saturday, 17 March 2018

It was all in the first e-mail. I love oblique & boring starts.

piloted by two women... joy, we were saved, they led us to their planet... one of the women was kind and outgoing, the other was secretive... hiding something possibly sinister...

now i am picking glass out of my feet how could i know so much to begin with?

if nothing this was fun.


like a cat listening to a bird sing


youre right, you are a narcissist (seductive, but only for your own end).  i won't go on, you told me that's what you were, so i'm sure you already know about it.  anyway i fell (fucking far) for it, and even after a wake-up fell again.  one burnt 2 burnt no more, i'm done (overdone, charred even).

i feel ashamed for falling for you.  all the red flags were in place and you even told me not to.  but even my friends skepticism succumbed to my overwhelming joy when i was deluded enough.  i wish you could feel these things.

so, yes, i am in love with you.  seems a hopeless situation, except i can see beyond love.  believe it or not, i still want to be your friend.  you are far more interesting than most.  my first attempt at this failed, love doesn't fade away that quickly, so i suggest we take a break (communicated for about 2 months so 2 months off).  if, after that break, you want a friendship i would be amenable.  i need a break because i can't rid feelings overnight.  i need time for scars to heal and for me to stop picking at them.  like a flu or bad virus it will stay unwelcome for a while.

i don't know if you want or care to have a friend.  i don't care either, i have enough, but if you do i'm there.

i think she will be a gothic girl closer to my age...

up to you.  you're in charge of this.  radio silence for two months, and if you remember me then...

song meant only if i never hear from you again -

a fantasy now?
ok, i'm game...

i want our first kiss to start
wrapped in arms
lost on earth
stuttering tongues
on a orgasmic pinnacle
and not end, till,
shuttering again,
wrapped in clouds
hidden in heaven
tongue tied
in a place we've come to love and never leave.

if, as some cynics say
   it's downhill from the first kiss
      lets make it a motherfucking mountain
         with no way down.

"Are you waiting for a reaction or something?
Don't waste your time."

Friday, 16 March 2018

I buy a book in French 
Because I think it'll drive Him wild-
"L'amant Imaginaire"
By Guy des Cars.

Thursday, 15 March 2018

"To be a genius is to be unruled. To be unruled is to be alone." - The Director

-I am who I am.
I'm not going to feed into the machine.

-Oh so it was a transition thing?
A part of the industry?

-I think...
Oh She just got killed.
That girl.
She's a Hero.

-In the end
We should not have all
Our eggs in one basket.

-There is no unified theory
Of how we relate.

-It merely gives Our mind
Time to drift
as the conversation
ebbs & flows
around Us.

-(People are popping ecstasy
As we wait in line for the annual
Book sale.)

God, I love my generation.

-I don't expect a response.
Lord knows I've avoided you
All my Life.

-One day you get so bored thinking
Of yourself
That eventually you take interest in
Anybody Else.

-"It's so fun seeing me
Being me alongside you."

Wednesday, 14 March 2018

What Else We Got Here? A-Ha. This is Tops.

Life Never Gets Old.

But men-
By the time
Men learn to
Behave themselves,
They're too old to do
Anything Else.

(In a way, I was a little jealous)

Her to Me:

You can't talk
Or won't?

My Inner Monologue:

What can
I say?


Oh right.
Your career.

Do you write him a note
When you come?

HASHTAG: Clara, I'm Sorry. I'm Better Than This.

"You just slip out the back, Jack, 
You make a new plan, Stan.
Don't need to be coy, Roy, 

Just listen to me.
You hop on the bus, Gus.

There's no need to discuss much.
Just drop off the key, Lee,

& you get yourself free."

How are you?

How was your day?
Have fun?
Any fantasies?
How's your dad?

Write an essay on the fantasies one.

Saturday, 10 March 2018

Wednesday, 7 March 2018



47.  Taking a step back was necessary for me to make sense of my feelings and I deeply regret that my clarity of mind came at the cost of yours. I know that an unintended consequence is no less damaging than one that is intended and I truly wish I had more quickly arrived at some insight into my feelings (if only to spare you from feelings of confusion and uncertainty that I caused). Some things just take me time to understand-- like these:

You intrigue me. You have qualities I admire. I like you. Because these things are true I wish I was able to connect with you on a level that I think has eluded us from the beginning. I wish I could read your mind and understand you intuitively. I realize that might be asking too much. I wish I understood you at all. The truth is I'm not sure I understand what's on your mind even when you spell it out for me. It's a damning admission. I wish I could agree with you when you say that "this way easy".

I see now that you were right all along. We probably are drastically different. You saw it before did. I'm sorry it took me so long.

48. This is not a season of pleasure for me. I'll let you know when it is.

49. Tu m'as pas dit que tu aimais aller regarder les étoiles. Je veux me perdre avec toi. J'ai cherché la sortie. 

Tuesday, 6 March 2018

Tu m'as pas dit que tu aimais aller regarder les étoiles

Je crois que tu m’attends tous les soirs.

Tu veux me changer les idées.

Tu me demandes la vérité.

Je veux me perdre avec toi.

J'ai cherché la sortie. 

La la la la la 


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